An accurate depiction of my current state.
Sitting.Waiting.Wishing. Wanting. Whenever things go wrong, I’m left doing just that. Rather than a quota, I consider it a routine. I don’t know how people mask the pain, or better yet act like the thing that hurt them the most never happened. Is that humanly possible??? Tell me your secret, because I’m in great need of it. It’s strange how it all comes into effect. You don’t realize how badly you’re hurt, until you start thinking about. It’s not until you dwell upon it that it finally comes up to you and hit you with a jarring effect that leaves reality feeling surreal. It’s in these times I oh so badly wished feelings didn’t exist. I envy the tin man for being emotionless, you don’t know what you’re wishing for my friend. When you’re hurt this bad, it’s hard to imagine a better outcome, a greater time. It all seems to be so far into the future that I feel like it’s never going to come. Those uplifting quotes I hear so much are mocking me rather than “uplifting”. It seems like they’re told by those who have never come across a bad day in their life; they seem to be to good to be true. Whenever people come across writing like these, they automatically assume that it’s depression. But it’s so much more than a misused label. Not only is it the story, but the perspective through a person’s eyes. Although it may seem that life is rooted in darkness, there’s one thing for sure: the littlest things are more appreciated. Despite whether you want to be happy or not, you find yourself smiling at something you would normally be annoyed of. That nuisance? It’s actually relieving. It’s in this inverse relationship, that the journey back to happiness can be sought. With that being said, instead of going against the current go with the flow and life with take care of the rest.
I know man, I know.
Between being nice and being a people pleaser, there’s a difference. You can have an opinion of your own and still be considered as nice person. Whereas a people pleaser, there’s only a one way street- believing in other people’s beliefs. Of course, your own personality plays a big factor in where you lie. Those who aren’t as sensitive and independent find it easier to be themselves without the reliance of others, while those who are sensitive and care about other people’s opinions can easily become a follower.
Truth be told, I’m a people pleaser. I care about what others think about me and I let their opinions define me. Along the way, people would easily take advantage of me and saying no only became harder and harder to say. I found it harder to be myself and it got to the point where I no longer knew who I was. You find yourself looking for acceptance but instead, you receive a stab in the back.
Oh you’re a people pleaser? I don’t think so.
I know people are who are nice but they still have an opinion of their own. My friend, Chris, is an incredibly sweet guy and can get along with anyone. He can spark up a conversation with you with no gaps in between. Not only that, but he’s not afraid to go against other people’s opinions for the sake of his own opinion. For instance, when it comes to people with authority, how many of us would dare go against their word? That leaves us with only the delinquents and Chris. I remember how Chris told me a story of how during his basketball game, his coach took him out to address what he was doing wrong and told him an alternative way to run the play. Instead of leaving it at just that, Chris argued against his coach and reasoned that his coach’s statement was contradictory.That’s only one of the many occurrences where he got head to head with his coach. In the end of the season when the awards banquet came, Chris won the coach’s award.
If you were to choose between the two, which one would you want to be?