An accurate depiction of my current state.
Sitting.Waiting.Wishing. Wanting. Whenever things go wrong, I’m left doing just that. Rather than a quota, I consider it a routine. I don’t know how people mask the pain, or better yet act like the thing that hurt them the most never happened. Is that humanly possible??? Tell me your secret, because I’m in great need of it. It’s strange how it all comes into effect. You don’t realize how badly you’re hurt, until you start thinking about. It’s not until you dwell upon it that it finally comes up to you and hit you with a jarring effect that leaves reality feeling surreal. It’s in these times I oh so badly wished feelings didn’t exist. I envy the tin man for being emotionless, you don’t know what you’re wishing for my friend. When you’re hurt this bad, it’s hard to imagine a better outcome, a greater time. It all seems to be so far into the future that I feel like it’s never going to come. Those uplifting quotes I hear so much are mocking me rather than “uplifting”. It seems like they’re told by those who have never come across a bad day in their life; they seem to be to good to be true. Whenever people come across writing like these, they automatically assume that it’s depression. But it’s so much more than a misused label. Not only is it the story, but the perspective through a person’s eyes. Although it may seem that life is rooted in darkness, there’s one thing for sure: the littlest things are more appreciated. Despite whether you want to be happy or not, you find yourself smiling at something you would normally be annoyed of. That nuisance? It’s actually relieving. It’s in this inverse relationship, that the journey back to happiness can be sought. With that being said, instead of going against the current go with the flow and life with take care of the rest.
I know man, I know.
The pitch black engulfs you into nothingness. You peel away the covers only to feel a sensation of cool. The hairs of the back of your neck go up and goosebumps begin to trickle along your skin. You feel the urge to go back to sleep but the thrill of having more time lures you into a wake state of doing. Your arms go as high as the ceiling and a trembling vibration goes through your body as a yawn fills your body with the morning presence. As soon as the robe is slipped on, the warmth takes over the cool and a sense of comfort and ease is put in its place. The sky paints with the different variations of orange. The traveling sunlight glides along your window pane creating a silhouette on the floor of the room. The ombre effect of the darkest shade of orange to the lightest hue of blue fills the canvas of nothingness. You realize that it’s because of this you woke up this morning.
My idea and thoughts take on the form of words on a paper. As I bring down my pencil, more words appear and new sentences are formed. Mistakes are made, erase marks are made. For I’m a deal at a quick mistake, and when I make one it takes the form of Lead. My pencil takes control, writing down words without my consent. My mind runs mindlessly as words begin to fill up line by line. My eraser is down to the nub and the dulled tip of my pencil has left me with only a few words to spare.
In exactly one hundred words, you can create a short story. A beginning, middle, and end, all in one hundred words. “Quality over quantity.” You hear it all the time, but you never take it accounted for. When writing an essay for english, your mindset goes to filling up those lines with words. Whatever it takes it fill up those lines…You add words here and there. You begin to babble about a topic entirely different from the one you’re supposed to be writing about. You incorporate vocabulary words in your paper that you don’t even know the meaning to. It’s a bad habit that you’re not willing to break. You’re so hooked on standing out from your peers that endless pages of words that go together like two mismatched puzzle pieces, seems to be the only solution. Break your bad habit. Begin to write from your heart and soul. Write what you feel and voice your opinion along with it while you are writing. Don’t fall into quantity…but quality. No one does you better than you do.